Is my child a womb twin survivor?

A womb twin survivor is the sole survivor of a twin or multiple pregnancy. That means a pregnancy begins with two babies but ends up with just one. The twin may die at any stage of the pregnancy- even up to the time of birth.

As the psychological difficulties that womb twin survivors face are being more widely discussed, and all kinds of theories are being aired, some parents are beginning to worry.

Anna wrote to me: "Simon, my 3 year old is a surviving twin. When the placenta came out the doctor found a dead identical twin. I was recently told that there have been studies done that show some cases of the living child taking on the dead one's personality. My son is like two people, one way one minute and completely different the next. I want to know if this is something I need to worry about."

Should parents worry if their child is a womb twin survivor?
It is now known from several studies that many surviving twins become distressed at some point in life, often in adolescence, but also some surviving twins are not at all distressed. Researchers have yet to understand why this is. It seem that the loss of a fraternal twin is less traumatic than the loss of an identical twin. The deep bond between twins, forged in the womb is strongest between identical twins and the identical womb twin survivors do seem to be the most likely to be distressed by their pre-birth experience.

Here is the list of characteristic signs commonly displayed by young womb twin survivors. This has been compiled from various studies and e-mail correspondence with womb twin survivors and their parents.

• My child is very sensitive to atmosphere
• My child does not like to sleep alone in the dark
• My child is unusually aware of how people are feeling
• My child has a rich, creative imagination
• My child talks a lot about death and dying
• My child loves animals and yearns for a pet
• My child is different from other children
• My child seems to have “been here before”
• My child has an imaginary friend
• My child is interested in spirituality
• My child often seems lost and alone
• My child is hypersensitive

What can parents do ?
There is a lot that parents can do: research seems to indicate that if an individual knows for sure from the beginning that they once had a twin, that does became part of who they are. Then they understand their feelings better if they do get upset at any time. They can know they are responding perfectly normally to the genuine loss of their "other half".   A loving family and lots of encouragement and love seems to help a great deal, so in many cases a surviving twin will grow up with little more than a tendency to moodiness.

The loss of a twin, like any major event taking place during pregnancy, is worth keeping in mind as a potential effect (either positive and negative) on your child's development as an individual.  The science of pre-birth psychology is now well established and we can be sure that our time in the womb does much to shape our personality in born life. Womb twin survivors are a particularly interesting case in point.

Best practice for parents with a womb twin survivor in the family

• Tell your child about their twin and tell them early in life
• Keep yourself well informed about the medical details of that particular pregnancy, so you will be able to answer questions as they arise, at various stages of your child's life.
• Keep informed about the potential psychological effects of pre-birth twin loss so you can notice any problems arising.
• Make contact with other parents of womb twin survivors for mutual support and good information.
• Create some kind of physical proof of your child's lost twin: a statue, soft toy or plant in the garden etc. as a focus for your child's feelings of sadness or loss, should any such feelings arise.
• Validate your own child's feelings in the face of public scepticism that womb twin survivors truly do feel a sense of something missing - however hard it is for you to believe that!
• Love, accept and encourage your child, as you would any of your other children.
• The fact that your young womb twin survivor is different can be celebrated as a special gift, for they are often very sensitive, caring and empathetic.