Today I had an epiphany and realized that I am unnatural. Unnatural. It explains everything about me. I hate nature. I am quite serious here. It is amoral and an annihilating machine. Am so happy to be unnatural. It has made me quite content. Nature is a turd. I am unnatural.
Nature annihilates. It terminates humans at the earliest rape of convenience. However clever we are at inventing vaccines or remedies, Nature always ALWAYS finds a way around. Nature is the great fosterer of violence...how we hurt each other. Violence is as common as a weed. Nature very much would like us to hurt ourselves...what could be easier for it to be rid than have us terminate ourselves. If you are lucky...and it took me 60 years...you get a firm grip on this. My renunciation of Nature has naught to do with my absolute belief in God...but I do HATE Nature.
I am entirely a decent, sensitive, caring type..I just hate Nature. God didn't make a mistake. He needed a device to cull the grand group and Nature does this expertly. We don't have to like it, even though we are meant to celebrate it from a tender age. Now I am old and smart and I despise Nature. I volunteer this freely and still expect to see God in the face in Heaven. I piss on Nature. It is an earthbound triumph over that which would have me in maggots. Pass it on.
I am angry and always have been. My egg donor (I do not call her mother) is a borderline personality and a classic hater of males. She killed my twin. This is my alpha. I am also very sensitive, reflective, and break down at at the real or even the fictional portrayal of any abuse or threat to children. This is my beta. Sometimes I feel as though my twin "merged" with me. Most times, he is simply missing and the pain and intensity of wanting him consumes me completely. I always sleep in a sleeping bag. It is a desperate attempt to return to the womb when we were not only both alive and together, but touching.
Nature: if you saw a man giving candy to a baby and then taking it away and repeating this endlessly, for that is what Nature does, you would intercede aggressively to cease the torment. Nature creates and then kills and it kills better, more regularly, and more efficiently than anything designed by the hand of Man.
Nature will soon make the worlds bloom with bright flowers, but as soon as they open, if Nature didn't kill them with a late frost, they are doomed.
Once Nature delivers us here, the first idea it gets is to annihilate us. It's the easiest thing in the world to apprehend, yet we praise Nature. But not I.
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