On Death
_________________________

I shall never escape

My head is burning with unapproachable light

I dream longingly of flames that burn elsewhere

I am cold as death

Here waiting for you.

 

I long with all my being

To be in the place of death with you

In that death is my healing, wholeness and refreshment

I will dive and swim through the cold, pure waters of death!

I must endure, I can endure, I will endure.

 

Death and pain live on, eternal friends and lovers

Entangled, intertwined, lonely people both:

Separate lives

Joined by the tender, so tender, so tender thread of pain.

 

I am waiting to be filled but you do not return:

Where did you go, lost spirit of the dead?

I sensed your ghost once, near me,

A reassuring presence in the dark-

Yet I never knew you

And you died not knowing me:

A tragedy of immense proportion

An eternal pain to great to grasp!

A disappointed yearning;

An endless howl of longing;

A space never to be filled;

A pain never to be healed.

 

I will pretend you were not there

I will say you were never there

I will not feel desire

My pain will go down into Hades with my desire attached

I will never feel pain again!

Now I am purified in death

I feel nothing

I am free of pain,

I do not feel

Now I am dead too.

 

Althea