MY GOSSAMER FRIEND by Althea I awoke to find that I was alone. I looked about me but my friend had gone and a great sadness came into my heart. So over many seas and many years I gathered shreds of gossamer from every corner of my mind and made for myself a gossamer friend. My friend was silent for he had no voice, but he always listened to me. He was blind because he had no eyes, but he helped me to see with my inner eye. He was still because he had no arms or legs but I knew he was there in the stillness. When I went to school, my gossamer friend came with me. I did not need to try very hard, because my friend always helped me with my work. It was such fun having a friend to share everything. Then when the difficult times were over I did not need my gossamer friend so much. I had other friends to help me and I gradually learned just enjoy my life. For a long time over many seas and many years I walked through my life with my gossamer friend in my pocket, lying forgotten in a corner, squashed by all the other things I carried with me. But then I learned to empty my pockets. As they grew lighter and lighter I became aware of a tiny little presence. I had forgotten all about him! I felt so sorry and ashamed that my loyal sweet friend, who had stood by me through all the problems in my life, was now forgotten and un-remembered. So I took my friend out of my pocket and what a sorry sight he was! I laid him on a soft cushion and made him some new clothes, with fresh gossamer that I drew down through the caverns in my mind. For many days I rested beside him, contemplating his nature, his friendship to me. And then I realised that I had never heard his story. So I said to him "Gossamer friend, my dear gossamer friend, please tell me your story." And he lay there silent and still and did not tell me. "Please tell me!" I cried, and felt great pain in my heart that he was so silent. I wandered over many seas and many years, dragging my gossamer friend with me, and tried in every way I could to make him speak to me, but he was dumb. I came to hate him, to despise him. I wished that I could cast him out of my life, but that longing remained: the yearning for my friend who had the ability to make me truly happy. Every time I thought about his silence I felt the pain again. Then I wondered if he also felt pain. For one terrible moment I wondered if I had hurt him. I remembered that when I did take him out of my pocket to have fun at a party he got trodden on and covered in sticky stuff and he lost his beautiful sheen. I eased his crumpled gossamer clothes, and wondered what he would tell me if he had the words. Then in my mind, from the deepest faraway place I could ever imagine, came the strangest idea I had ever had. My gossamer friend might want to go home. How could I think that? Of course my wonderful gossamer friend wanted to stay! No. He MUST stay with me, for I simply couldn't live without him. So I closed my ears and thought about something else. But the idea kept hanging around: In the night when I dreamed, I wondered if he was lonely with me and needed to go when there were other shadowy creatures of gossamer for him to play with. But I felt so sad I couldn't bear it. But I began to feel bad. If I was a true friend to him I would let him go home. And so I looked around and found someone else to be my friend until I was able to think about the day when my gossamer friend would go home. I spent a long time planning it. He lay there still and silent, so I had to work it out for myself. I wondered if I could send him to the moon, right now, but I just could not let go. I could not bear the thought that in all these years he had never spoken to me. Then I knew, that if I was to live a full life I would have to let him go. I hardened my heart and told myself to grow up and be strong for myself. I had work to do. My friend wanted to leave and go to the place that was too deep for me to remember but somehow very near. And so I went up to the high hill in the bright sunshine where there was a gentle breeze. I took off his gossamer clothes and let them blow away into the wind. Then he lay naked there in my hand, a tiny and insubstantial thing, the stuff of dreams woven with the pain of parting. I did not tear him to pieces, I simply offered my palm into the wind, and the breeze took him, gently, so gently. Soon there was only a speck in the sky and I knew he was gone. I was weeping because I knew that this was right, that my life was now my own. In leaving, he had given it all to me. "Thank you, Gossamer friend!" I shouted into the wind. "I will never forget you!" I waved to him. I was smiling now because I knew he was in the place where he was always meant to be, and I was where I should be too. And so I walked down the hill and found my new friends, and in my heart I heard singing, for the music that was in me had woken up at last. | 
